It is 4:23 AM as I start to write this and I am so full of emotions and reflections about these last eight months of deployment that I do not even know where to begin. I woke up a while ago super excited that I had actually slept through the night on the eve of deployment. Wrong. Too much in my head and heart to allow me to actually be at ease. These months feel like they have been a journey to hell and back, and now that I stand a short five and a half hours from having my best friend back, I have realized the answer to something I talked about in my post the other day--"How do you do it?".....the answer is LOVE.
I love my husband and I love my children more than words can say and that is what keeps me willing to do this. Shane loves what he does to serve his country and I love him so much that I will let him do it. I love him enough that the distance, while painful and inconvenient at times, is just that--distance. I can honestly say that I have not been physically present with Shane in 243 days and I have never felt closer to him in the entire nine years that we have been together, including our wedding day.
It is my love for my children that has helped me get through. They are both far too young to understand or really grasp what is going on or how long this time has really been, but they have given me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, a reason to be better, stronger, more resilient and above all, they are the two perfect reasons for me to love Shane even more through this all.
Love for Shane, Trevor and Olivia was not all that carried me through. The love of our family and friends has been just as important. If it wasn't for you, our loved ones, who have held me up through this time, I would not be standing as tall as I am. Sure, I am worse for wear, but I cannot even list all of the ways that friends and family have carried me through. I don't want to think of how banged up I would be if I didn't have them. From checking on us the day Shane left, to stepping in when Trevor needed a father figure, to holding my hand in the delivery room, and all the little things in between....like calling to say "Happy Mother's Day" or offering to give me a few precious moments kid-free or making a birthday special.....Your presence is what got us through, showed us how much we mattered. Most of all, you have taught me how I need to love all of you in return--without condition, and without abandon. Even that won't come close to what you all have demonstrated to me these last eight months.
Olivia is up, I guess it is time to get this show on the road......
Love anchors the soul.
Hebrews 6:19
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